
When was the last time you tore into yourself, hoping it would spark a positive change, and it worked? If you can't recall, you're not alone.
Think about how you respond when a friend or coworker confides in you in a challenge in their life. You probably offer them a shoulder to lean on, some solid advice, support, and voila! They're back in solution mode, thanking you for your wisdom. But when was the last time you offered a harsh judgment or shame session that led to a success story? I’ll wait.
So, why do we keep doing it? Maybe it's a sneaky combination of self-doubt and a misalignment between our actions and values. While many of us would like to change something in our lives, behaviors that directly or indirectly impact our health, we may lose some confidence because of past attempts, or because we are comparing ourselves to strangers on social media who have done it, or it’s just that combination of self-doubt and misalignment between our actions and values whatever the reason is behind it many of us are guilty of wielding the blame stick against ourselves, convinced that it's the magic for transformation. But surprise, surprise—it doesn't work!
Beating yourself up or as they say, being a Debbie Downer to yourself is about as effective as trying to start a fire with a wet match. It just doesn't light up!
The purpose of criticism is to provide feedback, and the purpose of compassion is to recognize and then act. Just looking at these purposes alone we can probably guess what a more effective strategy is.
But how do you change? There's a way out of this self-inflicted shame spiral.
First, start paying attention to how you talk to yourself. There is no judgment, just observation.
We all have an internal dialogue just observe the way we speak to ourselves.
Next, step into the practice of mindfulness. Become present, become aware, and watch those negative thoughts go.
Many of us live unaware and awareness is half the battle.
When you catch that inner critic chatting away, hit 'em with opposing thoughts. Challenge nonsense!
Now that you are aware of the thought, challenge it, and oppose it, even if it doesn’t feel true at first.
And finally, show yourself some compassion. Treat yourself like you would a dear friend—kind words, understanding nods, and all.
Compassion is to recognize and then act, action is where things change.
We are inherently capable of self-compassion, evidenced by the compassionate guidance we readily offer our children, loved ones, and friends when they encounter difficulties.
When we get past the distortions in our thinking, we’ll be able to see compassion serves as the compass, and self is the starting point for positive change. Instead of choosing self-criticism, embrace self-compassion as the key to breaking free from a cycle and fostering genuine transformation.
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